Doors & New Horizons
Earlier this year, something great happened and I got to spend another few days on set with really awesome people. It was for a big project and I booked a nice little role. I hadn't told anyone about it and I was excited to have something of my own for a little bit. After being in environments where I felt like I needed to close my heart, I could finally breathe and take all the moments to welcome life again. I know I might be a little overdramatic but that's honestly what it felt like - a breath of fresh air.
As we wrapped for the final day and final "see you laters" were exchanged, dread just washed all over me. I wanted to go home but I absolutely hated my headspace there and it deeply influenced my craft. I shared this feeling with some friends even though I knew exactly what it was that was causing this anxious feeling. I knew that the urge to change something needed to be listened to. Otherwise, I'd just be stuck somewhere in a chapter that needed to end some ten pages ago.
How sad would it be to have that kind of regret? Quite. It took a lot of thought, conversation, and prayer to finally accept that I needed to rip the band-aid and let go. I mean, you can only hang on to something for so long until all that bad juju consumes you. We don't want that, do we?
I had to ask myself a lot of questions that day. How would this decision affect my life? How will it affect my happiness? How will it affect my career? Will I be inspired again? I missed being inspired...
I've always been someone who believes that when you close a door, a new one opens and that's where I really just had to trust my gut. I feel like it's something most of us believe in and I'm so incredibly blessed to have good friends to help look out for me if I'm ever unsure. Even as I look at all the wonderful changes in my life, I still find that it's still difficult to let go. Often times, I think it's fear of failure. It's a fear of being a burden- of being broken (or straight-up broke) again- or the fear of regret. Sometimes it's the fear of not being happy and being able to live life freely. There are many things that can rear its ugly head into the mind but we just cannot stand to stay in fear. Hang on to your inner strength and the strength all around you. Trust that inspiration will come.
I've had the blessing of catching up with a few good friends of mine (the two lovely ladies in the polaroids above). We spent hours sharing how we felt about parts of our lives that not a lot of people really get to express to one another. We shared future plans, current circumstances, and expanded our dreams, hearts wide open. These conversations filled my heart and mind. I truly hope my friends feel the same. They have seen me in my beginnings, at my best and worst. They've supported me through chapters of transition and I hope I've been able to do my part to support them through theirs.
As each conversation flew by, I couldn't help but reflect on where life had taken all of us. It's interesting how we're called to do different things throughout the years (I can't believe I seriously slaved over organic chemistry for that many semesters only to pursue something completely different). The conversation was so deep that, it carried itself further into my thoughts, making me more confident about the decision I was about to make.
I really feel that change becomes more fruitful when you're able to share it with people willing to truly hear and support you. I hope that you have some form of this in your life. I've closed the door that I needed to & now I'm just gonna keep going. There's only forward to go.
I'm absolutely terrified but I'm so excited about my future.
I had so much fun connecting and laughing with these lovely ladies on & off set. I can't wait to see you all again!
Image compliments of casting.
To everyone who's been so kind and encouraging, thank you.
Thank you for listening to me and inspiring me with your light.
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