Doors & New Horizons
Earlier this year, something great happened and I got to spend another few days on set with really awesome people. It was for a big project and I booked a nice little role. I hadn't told anyone about it and I was excited to have something of my own for a little bit. After being in environments where I felt like I needed to close my heart, I could finally breathe & take all the moments to welcome life again. I know I might be a little overdramatic but that is honestly how it felt to me - a breath of fresh air.
As we wrapped for the final day and final "see you laters" were exchanged, dread just washed all over me. I wanted to go home but I absolutely hated my headspace there & it deeply influenced my craft. I shared this feeling with some friends even though I knew exactly what it was that was causing this anxious feeling. I knew that the urge to change something needed to be listened to. Otherwise, I'd just be stuck somewhere in a chapter that needed to end some ten pages ago. How sad would it be to have that kind of regret? Quite. It took a lot of thought, conversation & prayer to finally accept that I needed to rip the band-aid & let go. I mean, you can only hang on to something for so long until all that bad juju consumes you and we don't want that, do we?
I had to ask myself a lot of questions that day. How would this decision affect my life? How will it affect my happiness? How will it affect my career? Will I be inspired again? I missed being inspired...
I've always been someone who believes that when you close a door, a new one opens and that's where I really just had to trust my gut. I feel like it's something most of us believe in & I'm so incredibly blessed to have good friends to help look out for me if I'm ever unsure. It's crazy because even as I look at all the wonderful changes in my life, I still find that it's still difficult to let go. Often times, I think it's fear of failure. It's a fear of being a burden, of being broke(n) again, or the fear of regret. Sometimes it's the fear of not being happy & being able to live life freely. There are many things that can rear its ugly head into the mind but we just cannot stand to stay in fear. Hang on to your inner strength & the strength all around you. Just let yourself be inspired by the world.
I've had the blessing of catching up with a few good friends of mine (the two lovely ladies in the polaroids above). We spent hours sharing how we felt about parts of our lives that only a few people really get to hear. We shared future plans, current circumstances and expanded our dreams, hearts wide open. These conversations filled my heart and mind & I truly hope my friends feel the same. They were honest and real conversations and I hope to have more of these in the future. They have seen me in my beginnings, at my best and worst and have supported me through chapters of transition and I hope I've been able to do my part to support them through theirs.
As the hours flew by, in each conversation, I couldn't help but reflect on where life had taken all of us (well, y'know, up until today, of course). It's interesting how we're called to do different things throughout the years (I can't believe I seriously slaved over organic chemistry for that many semesters only to pursue something completely different. I crack me up, honestly). The conversation was so deep that, it carried itself further into my thoughts through and into the next few days, making me more confident of the decision I was about to make.
I really feel that change becomes more fruitful when you're able to share it with people willing to truly hear you & support you. I hope that you have some form of this in your life, whether it's there for you for a lifetime or just a few hours at a time. I've closed the door that I needed to & now I'm just gonna keep going. We've got to.
I'm absolutely terrified but I'm so excited about my future.
I had so much fun connecting and laughing with these lovely ladies on & off set for Amazon. I can't wait to see you all again!
Image compliments of casting.
To everyone who's been so kind & encouraging, thank you.
Thank you for listening to me & inspiring me with your light.
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